This morning as usual I drove Jo to work. Normally we do not communicate except when she says ‘kiss kiss’ then ‘bye’. For the most part I am on automatic pilot, it is 5:30 in the morning. If she has to talk like this morning my response is a shake of the head or a grunt if I am pissed about something.
Last night like other nights for the past week I have not slept well. I have a bit of a cold and I cough which keeps me up. I now have a additional problem as my neck hurts because I have to give up my regular pillow (Pablum) for some big fluffy ones to keep my head upright. Thought I could slip that Pablum reference in without explanation. My regular pillow is a non pillow. It flat and soft and is there because it makes the bed look good. Now you know why I don’t travel, I can’t take it with me. In hotels I don’t use a pillow, and for some reason I have restless nights.
Anyway, this morning we driving along and I asked Jo if she wants to stop for a coffee. I might as well have shot off a cannon. She hits the brakes, ahaha, just some drama, I am driving, she wants to know why I want to buy her coffee.
Me. ‘ I have no reason to rush back home.’
Jo. ‘You never do, you probably just go home and sleep’
Now I am insulted, that’s how much she has been paying attention.
Me. ‘On Tuesdays I go home and prepare my blog post’
Jo. ‘I didn’t know that. Why you are not doing that today?’
That kind of caught me by surprise. Everyone knows that I decided to stop blogging until the New Year. Obviously except Jo. Then I remembered, I added that note to my last blog at the end, just before I posted it, she did not see it.
Jo generally reads my posts on Monday night. Last night I fell asleep by the christmnas tree just after we finished dinner. I am trying to get fat so I can use last years New Year’s resolution. She is my proof reader of sorts. Although she never fixes anything, well I don’t think so. If after she finishes reading she smiles then I know she likes it.
Which is good right? Wrong.
Jo knows me very well, she knows how I think, what I am trying to say even before I say it. So when she reads my post, it is not like she is reading for real, she is hearing my voice, which is not a good thing because she hears what I want to say. She says I make her laugh, it is not on purpose. Sometimes I wonder about her.
About a month ago, I devised a plan to get a different reaction. I needed her to say something different. I decided to write something in my draft that I know is going to piss her off. I wrote, ‘my stupid son, bla bla bla’, I know Jo, she is fiercely loyal and protective of her children. No one bad mouths them.
So I am sitting there while she reads, you know me right, I laugh at myself, so I am cracking up inside as she reads, waiting. There was a second reason for my trickery; I do not know for sure that she reads what I write. For all I know she looks at the computer and think about work. She likes to work. Then after a while she smiles. It could happen like that, right?
Anyway when she was finished my slander story, she just got up and walked away. One of Jo’s best or worst traits is that she does not like to criticise. Ok, now what do I do with that? I am following her, asking for a reaction, nothing.
This is like our morning drives.
I got the message; I took the section out and told her. Do you want to know her response?
She smiles, ‘I like it’. Now I can start editing it.
Ok, this morning we are on our way to work and she wants to know why I decided not to write.
Me. ‘just taking a break, have to think about where I go next’
Jo. ‘well I think it’s a mistake’
We go back to our quiet silent drive. We got to her work, ‘kiss kiss’, ‘bye’.
Well it got me thinking, why does she think it’s a mistake? Jo is quite supportive, she does care that I write, she says she sees a difference in me, something about being happy. What does she know.
The truth is I am not a good finisher, a bit of a procrastinator. I have great ideas and would start projects then stop because my next project is more exciting. My brain cannot handle one think at a time. I have no limits to my ideas, just the follow through.
So here I am writing as fast as I can to continue my journey.
Today rather than write a whole story ill just link to an old one, (click to read).
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